Sunday, May 31, 2009

About Missing and Loving

Am I missing someone I love, or loving someone I miss?

Do you know that word that is mostly used in love letters are not 'love,' but 'miss,'? It's like missing someone is the manifestation of the love you have towards them.

Because I found that when you love someone, you just want every part of himself to be near.
And even if he's miles away, you just want every part of himself to be near.
And even if it's not possible -or even if it's possible, it's not as easy as you think, you just want every part of himself to be near!

It's the tragedy of loving; you can't love anyone more than someone you miss.
- Jonathan Safran Foer

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

That Old Feeling

Kali terakhir saya pulang ke Jakarta awal Mei yang lalu, saya ketemuan sama teman-teman SD. Rasanya udah lama banget engga pernah ketemu lagi sama mereka. Has been like, 10 years? Nah, pas ketemu, semua orang udah keliatan beda. Ada yang mukanya berubah, rambutnya berubah, tingginya berubah, gayanya berubah, badannya berubah, macam-macam perubahan pokoknya. Ya, change is the only constant in life, right? Tapi satu hal yang saya agak heran, waktu ketemu mereka I felt like home. Maksudnya, sekalipun udah 10 tahun engga pernah ketemu lagi, kita kayak engga ada canggung-canggungnya. Malahan rasanya kayak mereka adalah teman-teman yang udah sehari-hari bersama saya.

Kemudian baru saya sadar, alasan kenapa saya engga ngerasa asing sama mereka sekalipun udah 10 tahun engga ketemu. Alasan kenapa waktu berada di tengah-tengah mereka, saya ngerasa nyaman. Alasan kenapa saya bahkan merasa diingatkan lagi, artinya persahabatan.

Karena persahabatan yang kita mulai lebih dari 10 tahun yang lalu itu, kita mulai waktu kita masih putih polos. Waktu kita jadi teman tanpa adanya alasan apapun; bukan latar belakang, bukan kesamaan pikiran, bukan untung rugi. Waktu kita belum dipusingkan dengan berbagai kesibukan, kompleksitas pemikiran, dan berbagai pertimbangan. Waktu kita belum terkontaminasi sama pikiran-pikiran negatif, pengalaman-pengalaman menyakitkan, dan berbagai keahlian manipulasi yang diajarkan sama dunia ini sebagai pertahanan diri. Waktu yang ada dalam pikiran kita hanya bahwa punya teman itu, bisa menemani main. Dan bahwa sendirian itu engga enak. It's just simply because of our tendency to be attached to the others; hardly with any additional reasons. Dan ini sebabnya; karena pengalaman persahabatan yang saya punya sama mereka dulu adalah pengalaman yang murni. Dan bukankah itu yang kita cari?

Salah satu teman saya ada yang bilang, let's be childish. Well, saya engga setuju sama sekali sama pemikiran itu. People do change, and change is the evidence that we are growing, that we are getting more mature. Mungkin lebih tepat, kalau saya bilang, let's NOT be childish in our way of thinking; but let's be like a child again in our heart. Waktu motif kita masih murni, waktu alasan dari persahabatan kita adalah persahabatan itu sendiri.

Other things may change us; but we start and end with family.
- Anthony Brandt

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Jarang-jarang nih nge-post yang lucu-lucu. Dan mungkin ini akan jadi yang pertama dan yang terakhir kalinya. Can't help it soalnya, karena saya benar-benar merasa ini kali pertamanya saya bisa berpikir selogis atau seanalitikal ini dan hasilnya selucu ini.

Jadi ceritanya, beberapa hari yang lalu saya digigit serangga. Bentol dan sakit, langsung saja saya injak serangganya sampai mati. Bentolnya masih belum hilang sampai sekarang. Masih gatel-gatel sakit. Padahal si serangga udah saya bikin mati dari beberapa hari yang lalu. Terus, salah satu teman saya bilang, "Elo harusnya gigit balik dong serangganya. Biar dia ngerasain bentol juga."

Tiba-tiba saya kepikiran. Iya, ya, curang banget, engga adil. Saya bisa mati, tapi serangga engga bisa bentol.

- logis dan analitikal tapi lucu engga?

Proof of Your Dreams

It was only yesterday that my results on last semester's exams out. Not much different from any other semesters though, except that now my status is already a graduate, and unlike any other semester, now I don't need to calculate what scores I should get next semester in order to maintain or achieve certain CGPA anymore.

Happy? Yes and no. The fact is that I realize, setting goals to get certain scores is far easier than choosing which path to go for the next phase of your life. And between where I'm standing right now with my dream and desire lie a long road, deep valleys, and wide oceans.

But still I need to move on. I need to do just whatever I can do to move closer to my destiny, no matter how insignificant it is. Because the proof of your dreams is your pursue. Wanting something without pursuing it is only daydreaming. And this is not what I am doing. I do not want to only daydream; I want to have it. And that's why I need to do something about it; I need to work on my dreams.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain

Friday, May 22, 2009

Worthwhile Silence

Pernah engga, sih merasa sendirian. Atau, sekalipun banyak orang di sekitar kita, kita tetap merasa sendiri. Pernah engga merasa bosan, capek, kecewa, sedih. Dan sekalipun kita pengen ada seseorang yang peduli sama kita, kita pun seperti engga bisa cerita dan membuat dia mengerti sedalam-dalamnya apa yang sedang kita rasakan.

Dan, kalo lagi kayak gitu, engga butuh yang namanya dihibur, dikasih saran, atau solusi. Cuma pengen ada seseorang yang mau stay around dan bilang -seperti lagunya the Pretenders, "I'll stand by you." Dan kita akan terkesan sama betapa kehadiran seseorang bisa begitu berharga, sekalipun tanpa kata-kata.

Oh, why you look so sad
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and talk to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess can make me love you less

So, if you're mad, get mad
Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well, I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
Don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Baby, take me in into you're darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Kind of Addicted

I guess it's human's nature to have to love, to have to believe, to have to submit, to have to search. It is spontaneous; like a reaction that chemists would say as having negative free energy. You can inhibit, you can retard; but you just can't stop it.

Oh, I can't break away

I must have you everyday
As regularly as coffee or tea
You've got me in your clutches
And I can't break free
You're getting to be a habit with me -can't break it
You're getting to be a habit with me

- Diana Krall, Getting to be a Habit with Me

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Heal the World

Be kind. Everyone is struggling.
- Anonymous

Germany. A motorcycle accident happened on a road -it slipped, causing the rider to struck the ground of asphalt severely. Helpless, he was struggling alone, crawling to the sidewalk, bleeding. He waited there, hoping that there was someone somehow among the people around there that could offer him a help. 15 minutes. Cars that passed by was just passing by and pedestrians that walked past the sidewalk was just walking past. No one bothered to help this man. Finally, there was one car pulling over. He said to the man, "Hey, are you okay? I have just called an ambulance and they will reach here in few minutes. You hang in there for a while, ok." And left.

In the train. Now it's 7pm, the highest peak time of the day; everybody is making their way back home from their offices. Everybody is tired, everybody wants to be able to sit in the train. Standing near a seated young guy is an old lady who had a hunchback, carrying heavy stuffs and struggling to keep herself from falling everytime the train stops station after station. No asking, no offering, nothing. The young guy would keep working on his PSP and the old lady would keep standing until her last stop.

Realizing it or not, we are now living in a time where everybody lives in our own world. We don't care what other people around us is doing anymore. And we don't want to care. And we are not interested to care. We just don't bother to care. We often say we want to change the world, that we want to make a history. Why don't we start small? If only we are willing to spend just a little bit more time for others; to give a little bit more attention to what they are doing; to give a little bit more care to what people are going through, I believe we can make a difference. We are making history. And we can make this world a better place to live.

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie

Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world

Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it's soul
Though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly
Be God's glow

- Michael Jackson, Heal the World

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Perhaps what was said by these two people about soulmate are quite true:

"When your soul finds another soul, it can recognize even before the rest of you knows about it..but sometimes you have to let that person go. When you are a little, people, movies, and fairy tales -all tell you that one day you're going to meet this person. So you keep waiting and it's a lot harder than they make it sound. Then you meet and you think, 'Okay, now we can just get on with it,' but you find out that sometimes your soulmate has other ideas about that."
- Francesca Lia Block

"People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person that shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soulmate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soulmate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soulmates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soulmate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master."
- Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Part of me thinks this is quite true. That at the end of the time, the one we are spending the rest of our lives with may not be necessarily our soulmates -though it may be. But whatever it is, deep down inside I do hope, that once I find the one, I wouldn't have to let him go. Somehow I'm sure that I just wouldn't be willing to lose that person ever again no matter what. For this is what I'm afraid of: to find someone but to lose him at the end of the time. Even if it's not that I can promise him anything better by staying at my side. Call me selfish, call me mean. But which one is more idealist: to think that you should hold on to someone you really love no matter what, or to think that to love someone doesn't mean you need to have him/ her?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Indonesia, a Place Called Home

Saya baru aja selesai berlibur ke kampung halaman -Indonesia! An escape after months of homesick, going back home has always been so relieving and blissful. Yah meskipun 'blissful' mungkin kata yang agak berlebihan, tapi pokoknya 'balik rumah' itu adalah 2 kata yang selalu berhasil menghibur dan memberi semangat di saat-saat saya jauh dari rumah. Seperti banyak orang Indonesia bilang: "Jakarta, kan macet." atau "Udaranya itu loh. Tambah jerawatan makin parah." atau "Duh, di mana-mana engga aman." atau "Internet connectionnn. Lelet!" atau "Berantakan banget kotanya. Transpor susah." saya pun bukannya engga setuju sama semua itu. Tapi waktu kita berat banget ketika harus meninggalkan sesuatu, bukannya itu tanda kita mencintainya yah? Tepatnya, I love Indonesia because there live the people that I love.

And as what John McLeod said, "Home is where the heart is."

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

New Chapter

The day i finish my bachelor of engineering is finally here! My waiting is over. My persistence has been paid off. My new chapter of life has begun.

As I think of this, it became very interesting for me, that our lives are actually divided into chapters. Isn't it true? When you started school the very first time, you left your life chapter of playing all the time at home, and started to enter into a new life chapter of getting to know new friends. You learned new things. Playing at the playground, started to be given homework. Learned to write, to read, to draw.

When you finished kindergarten, you started a new life chapter of going to primary school. You were getting to know new friends as well. Then you learned another new things. You learned to study 5-6 hours at school, learned substraction, multiplication, division. Had your first exam. Had your first crush on your seniors, or the boy sitting beside you.

Finishing your chapter on primary school, you moved on into the next chapter of your life, high school. Another new friends. Another new things to learn. You learned to spend most of your days in school. You learned derivation, integral, sine-cosine (haha!). You learned to fall in love, learned how to understand people, learned to be disappointed sometimes, to be rejected sometimes.

And all those had to finish as well, because you needed to move on into next chapter of your life. University. Another bigger groups of friends. Another bigger new things to learn. You learned about responsibility. You learned about commitment. You learned about time management. You learned about building relationships and networks, about looking for opportunities. You learned about having a plan for your future. You learned about dealing with difficult people. Various and many of them. You learned about self-actualization, and sometimes you learn about yourself here.

And after that, you need to move on again. Because another new chapter of life must begin. A great book is the one that you can read chapter after chapter without losing the excitement. Every new chapter is getting more and more complex than the previous one, but surely there will be more and more new things that are worth reading. And so is our lives. Everytime, it becomes more and more complex, there are times it become tougher. But surely there will be more and more new things that are worth learning. Everytime we become richer on the inside than before, and everytime we become more complete.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever.
-Mahatma Gandhi

Monday, May 4, 2009


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.

- Pablo Neruda (100 Love Sonnets/ Cien Sonetos De Amor)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Prisoner vs Free Man

How many years -or decades, or centuries, have we, human race, been struggling on the subject of freedom? Just mention the Magna Carta in 1215, or the Bill of Rights in 1700s, or the Universal Declaration of Human Rights by UN in 1948. I wonder why do we need to have a law, or a written declaration that we human have a right to be free? While human were created from the very beginning to have a free will indeed? We are free men.

Ah, jadi inget. Cuma intermezzo. Lihat countdown hari yang saya pasang di samping? I am just one day and few hours away from The Day I Finish My Bachelor of Engineering! Sebentar lagi saya bebas. Tapi, ngomong-ngomong soal kebebasan, ada beberapa hal yang saya dapetin beberapa waktu ini.

I learnt recently that freedom is not when you have all the things that you need or you want. Rather, freedom for me is when you have nothing more left to lose.

I learnt recently that freedom is not when you don't have any responsibilities. Rather for me, freedom comes when you are given so many choices in your life, but you can choose to do something out of your conscience and be responsible in your own way.

I learnt recently that freedom is not when you don't have any problems and challenges. Rather for me, freedom is when you are faced with obstacles, but you still can have a right attitude to go through it -happily, joyfully.

I learnt recently that freedom is not when nobody treat you badly or disapppoint you. Freedom does not depend on what the world do or do not do to you, because freedom is simply your state of mind. That you will not let anything imprison you -not a disappointment, not a demand or opinion others have on you, not even a history. Such an irony if we are being a prisoner of our own self.