Wouldn't Want to Change a Thing

Now have you ever felt like there are times in your life when you just can't stand getting through it? There are times in your life when you just want to fast-forward everything; especially when you're going through tough times. When you are going through the moments you think as the lowest point of your life. People might say nice things to you, encouraging you that one day there will be a time when you don't have to struggle anymore. That one day, you can smile, knowing that all your hard works and sacrifices are finally paid off. But you are asking now, when? When is that 'time'? When is that 'one day'? And if it will ever really happen to me, can I just skip all these troubles and hard times and could I please just get the promise God and people have been reminding me over and over again? You feel very tired of surviving; you feel very exhausted about enduring; and you would love to just fast-forward your life, jump to the end results of your hard ships: a worry-free life. I mean, it is actually logical enough, if we will finally enjoy the results of our hard ships, then why wouldn't we just fast-forward them, and go to the end results right away?

But perhaps I'd love to state this reason one more time; the one I have just been reminded on: because God is more interested in our character, than in our comfort zone. Yes, God wants to give us a prosperous life, fulfilling our dreams, giving us a life partner, giving us a good job, promoting us and all that; but He is more interested in making us people of good character. He is more interested to make us realize, that in spite of all the troubles and the hard times and the hard works we are going through, we still have a great life. That in spite of all the challenge we might have in life, we still have family and friends we can count on. That in spite of all the heartache and the disappointments we might have in life, we still have people that would love us unconditionally and will support us to the end. That in spite of that one tough bitter big problem, we can still find thousands sweet little things around us. And perhaps when we realize that, life would not seem so bad. And we can be thankful that we are here, and we can still have chances to enjoy the moments.

If life was easy, partying wouldn't be so fun, friends wouldn't mean so much, and love wouldn't feel so good.
- @TheLoveStories

Upset

Honestly, I'm very upset. I'm very upset with the way things are; I'm very upset with the fact that I can do nothing to change any of it; I'm very upset with the fact that I might regret some of the decisions I made in life and the fact that sometimes it is too late to change it and turn things around. I'm very upset with the fact that I can't be thankful enough, that everything seems not to be good enough for me. I'm very upset with the fact that I want to please everyone around me, while I myself feel very tired of it. I'm very upset with the fact that I know that everything works together for good for me and that everything happens for a reason, but at the same time question whether any of it works in my life. And I'm very upset with the way people seem too concerned with myself and my life; and the fact that they think they need to help me. And I'm very upset, too, with the fact that I think I don't need any help from anybody. I'm very upset about all these.

And perhaps the root problem is this; that I can't even answer the simplest question that I should have in the very first place before I even do anything: What do I really want? What am I really looking for?

Through all this time I have been thinking that I could just walk it off. I could just let it be, let the question find its answer by itself; that as time goes by, I could figure the answer out without me having to really sit down and think about it. I have been thinking that too much to think is not good. To ponder about something too much is too melancholic. Just let the days go by on its own, and you can see the big picture eventually. But let me be honest on this. Every single time, I always find myself go back to square one. Until now, I'm still not so sure what I want in life. I don't know what I'm looking for in life. And by that I mean, I don't know what I need to have in my life, before I can proudly say, "I have a great life, I don't need to compare anything in my life with others', I have everything I'm looking for. Because people say that I'm fortunate. But sometimes I could hardly see it. And I'm very upset about it; about the very sad fact that I can't see my life as good as others see it. Too pathetic. Just because I can't figure out perhaps that very small piece of jigsaw in my life. And really, I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing what it is. So if that means I need to search all over again, I will. But I need to know that this time, it would be the last one.