Dia duduk, beranjak, berjalan, hampir berlari. Hampir menangis, tapi hatinya berkata, buat apa? Hampir marah, sebelum ia akhirnya sadar, memang begitu, kan keadaannya?
Dia lelah. Dia lelah harus terpaksa menyerah terus sama keadaan. Dia lelah dengan ketidakberdayaan memilih. Dia lelah dengan dikte yang -mungkin enggak secara langsung diberikan kepadanya, tapi secara pasti. Dia lelah dengan yang namanya komentar. Dia lelah dengan menunggu. Dia lelah dengan yang namanya persistensi. Dan dia hampir lelah dengan yang namanya mimpi dan segala cara mewujudkannya. Dan stop, jangan ada yang seenaknya menyalahkan dia. Setidaknya untuk sekarang ini.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Yes, this is a dedication for you
Not trying to become so melancholic, but right now I do feel I need to say some things about all my friends. And to all my friends. I need to say sorry, to say thank you, to say I love you, to say you're amazing, to say you're everything, that I might not be able to express it to you all one by one without missing anyone. But if you ever read my blog, and this posting, yes, you're it. You are exactly who I am talking about here. You are one of the wonderful friends that has filled my life with all that it has to offer me. You are one of the amazing friends from which I learn about many things -life and death, meet and farewell, coming and going, love and hate, heartache and forgiveness, sadness and joy, loneliness and togetherness, indifference and care, desperation and hope, past and future and dream -all. And because of you, I am rich. You might not realize it, but trust me, you are one of those people who has made me who I am today. You are one of those people who have peeled me off my skins, dig deep down inside of me, help me to find myself.
It is, a blessing to have friends like you in my life; and to be called your friend, is my privilege. You might have walked away, and some of you might have stayed; some might have been staying, and the others will still stay. But to every single one of you -for the time we have spent together and for the time we will spend, to ever have you in this rich life is a blessing I wouldn't want to trade.
Love,
Renny :)
It is, a blessing to have friends like you in my life; and to be called your friend, is my privilege. You might have walked away, and some of you might have stayed; some might have been staying, and the others will still stay. But to every single one of you -for the time we have spent together and for the time we will spend, to ever have you in this rich life is a blessing I wouldn't want to trade.
Love,
Renny :)
Monday, August 17, 2009
17 Agustus 1945-2009
Sebagai orang Indonesia yang 'terbuang' ke negara lain kayak saya ini, suasana 17 Agustus-an jadi benar-benar langka. Jangankan lomba-lomba atau arak-arakan yang seringkali bisa kita lihat di RT-RT. Atau upacara kemerdekaan di Istana Negara yang biasanya bisa kita tonton di RCTI (meskipun stasiun televisi nasionalnya sebenarnya TVRI). Lagu Indonesia Raya-nya pun, engga akan terdengar kalau bukan kita-kita juga yang menyanyikannya.
Tahun ini, sekali lagi saya engga di Indonesia ketika Indonesia merayakan hari ulang tahunnya. Bersyukur, saya masih bisa merayakan 17 Agustus-an sama teman-teman lain yang senasib sepenanggungan di sini. Dan saya cuma mau bilang sekali lagi tanpa bermaksud untuk terkesan begitu patriotis: seberapa pun jauhnya saya dari Indonesia; seberapa suksesnya pun saya di negara lain, Indonesia akan tetap menjadi tanah air saya. Merdeka!
Indonesia, tanah air beta
Pusaka, abadi nan jaya
Indonesia sejak dulu kala
Tetap dipuja-puja bangsa
Di sana, tempat lahir beta
Dibuai, dibesarkan bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
Sampai akhir menutup mata
Tahun ini, sekali lagi saya engga di Indonesia ketika Indonesia merayakan hari ulang tahunnya. Bersyukur, saya masih bisa merayakan 17 Agustus-an sama teman-teman lain yang senasib sepenanggungan di sini. Dan saya cuma mau bilang sekali lagi tanpa bermaksud untuk terkesan begitu patriotis: seberapa pun jauhnya saya dari Indonesia; seberapa suksesnya pun saya di negara lain, Indonesia akan tetap menjadi tanah air saya. Merdeka!
Indonesia, tanah air beta
Pusaka, abadi nan jaya
Indonesia sejak dulu kala
Tetap dipuja-puja bangsa
Di sana, tempat lahir beta
Dibuai, dibesarkan bunda
Tempat berlindung di hari tua
Sampai akhir menutup mata
Chapter One Begins
It feels like it's been forever since I posted in here weeks ago. That time, I haven't even had any idea of how working life looks like; or to be precise of how being a teacher feels like.
Well, yeah. I am teaching now. A career, which, if I am to be honest, would have been the last career I would ever consider. Ask my friends, and they will tell you. I still remember years ago, someone asked me to just become a teacher. And I answered right away, no. That would be the last thing I would ever do for a career. I might enjoy children very much, and I don't deny the joy I would feel if I can impart something to somebody, but doing it in a day-to-day basis for a living has not really come to my mind -at least, until few weeks ago.
Because here I am right now everyday, trying to make up my mind and pick up piece by piece both the skills and the experience of what being a teacher is all about. And I tell you, despite all the tiredness and the apprehension I would feel, I am enjoying this! I can't really say whether or not this is my dream career, or whether or not I would spend the rest of my life teaching; but I do enjoy and discover the reason why some people find teaching fulfilling.
Just consider the feeling of how, among other students in class that might be very, very naughty, you can still find a boy that is so adorable and smile to you and say, 'Bye ma'am, have a nice weekend!' Or how in a class, you can find many students that are just so eager to learn, and although they find it difficult, insist you to stay and teach them how to do. Or even, how you can find a class that can never be quiet, so much so that you need to smack the white board or the table just to ask them to look up to the front. Or how you would feel very sad and agitated dealing with students that are so hyperactive and stubborn; and how you would treat each of them differently -sometimes you whack them, but sometimes you just need to look at them. Or how you would spot those who are trying to cheat during test very, very easily. Reminded me of how foolish we were when we were students, trying to fool our teachers who were more mature and had gone through a lot more!
Those students, I can't find them anywhere else. This experience, this career, might be much more different than any other jobs. Some say, no prestige. Some others say, can't give you as much money as other career would offer. I'm not sure. This would probably be my transit point before taking on another direction I have dreamed since so long, but as far as I know, I think I have fallen in love with this.
Well, yeah. I am teaching now. A career, which, if I am to be honest, would have been the last career I would ever consider. Ask my friends, and they will tell you. I still remember years ago, someone asked me to just become a teacher. And I answered right away, no. That would be the last thing I would ever do for a career. I might enjoy children very much, and I don't deny the joy I would feel if I can impart something to somebody, but doing it in a day-to-day basis for a living has not really come to my mind -at least, until few weeks ago.
Because here I am right now everyday, trying to make up my mind and pick up piece by piece both the skills and the experience of what being a teacher is all about. And I tell you, despite all the tiredness and the apprehension I would feel, I am enjoying this! I can't really say whether or not this is my dream career, or whether or not I would spend the rest of my life teaching; but I do enjoy and discover the reason why some people find teaching fulfilling.
Just consider the feeling of how, among other students in class that might be very, very naughty, you can still find a boy that is so adorable and smile to you and say, 'Bye ma'am, have a nice weekend!' Or how in a class, you can find many students that are just so eager to learn, and although they find it difficult, insist you to stay and teach them how to do. Or even, how you can find a class that can never be quiet, so much so that you need to smack the white board or the table just to ask them to look up to the front. Or how you would feel very sad and agitated dealing with students that are so hyperactive and stubborn; and how you would treat each of them differently -sometimes you whack them, but sometimes you just need to look at them. Or how you would spot those who are trying to cheat during test very, very easily. Reminded me of how foolish we were when we were students, trying to fool our teachers who were more mature and had gone through a lot more!
Those students, I can't find them anywhere else. This experience, this career, might be much more different than any other jobs. Some say, no prestige. Some others say, can't give you as much money as other career would offer. I'm not sure. This would probably be my transit point before taking on another direction I have dreamed since so long, but as far as I know, I think I have fallen in love with this.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Humanize Yourself
Have you ever been in an awkward situation, when every move you make is just wrong? When everything you would want to say comes out to be just wrong, every direction you walk is just wrong, and everything you do is just so wrong and you just feel ridiculous. You feel very awkward and very out of place.
Good news, you are not alone. You are not the first one, neither you would be the last one, because we are humans. And human makes mistakes. In fact, that's why we are human. You don't need -and no one could ever need you to be perfect at anytime to get the approval from others. And the very fact that you are making wrong moves and making mistakes actually doesn't tell anything but that you can still improve yourself.
I learned, that it doesn't bring any benefit to us if we are afraid of making mistakes in front of others, or worse still, if we are afraid to try anything at all because we are afraid to make mistakes. Let me tell you the paradox; people are afraid to try something in front others not because they are shy, but instead, it is because they are too proud to be ashamed of in fronts of others! And to be frank, that's really true. Everything that we are afraid of: public speaking, giving opinion, etc, is not because we are a shy and introvert people; but because we are too proud to make mistakes and to be ashamed of. And I realize that people who are afraid to make mistakes are the ones who actually do not want to change themselves. They are the ones that are actually saying secretly in their hearts: 'I will show you that I am good enough, that I am perfect enough, that I only deserve your compliments, and not your criticsm. That I am just perfect and no mistake you can find in me. And if ever I present myself to you, I will only do something that will make you compliment me. If I'm not sure or if I am only going to be criticized by you, I might as well not do anything.'
Therefore, it's really not a big deal to make mistakes. It is just a part of our human make-up. And it's really not a big deal with us not being perfect, because really, nobody is perfect. The most important thing is not in being without blemish, the most important thing is that we learn every single time we fail. Do as many mistakes as you can while you are still here on earth, because the moments we are making mistakes are the moments we can learn, and finally become a better person.
You grow up the day you have the first laugh -at yourself!
-Anonymous
Good news, you are not alone. You are not the first one, neither you would be the last one, because we are humans. And human makes mistakes. In fact, that's why we are human. You don't need -and no one could ever need you to be perfect at anytime to get the approval from others. And the very fact that you are making wrong moves and making mistakes actually doesn't tell anything but that you can still improve yourself.
I learned, that it doesn't bring any benefit to us if we are afraid of making mistakes in front of others, or worse still, if we are afraid to try anything at all because we are afraid to make mistakes. Let me tell you the paradox; people are afraid to try something in front others not because they are shy, but instead, it is because they are too proud to be ashamed of in fronts of others! And to be frank, that's really true. Everything that we are afraid of: public speaking, giving opinion, etc, is not because we are a shy and introvert people; but because we are too proud to make mistakes and to be ashamed of. And I realize that people who are afraid to make mistakes are the ones who actually do not want to change themselves. They are the ones that are actually saying secretly in their hearts: 'I will show you that I am good enough, that I am perfect enough, that I only deserve your compliments, and not your criticsm. That I am just perfect and no mistake you can find in me. And if ever I present myself to you, I will only do something that will make you compliment me. If I'm not sure or if I am only going to be criticized by you, I might as well not do anything.'
Therefore, it's really not a big deal to make mistakes. It is just a part of our human make-up. And it's really not a big deal with us not being perfect, because really, nobody is perfect. The most important thing is not in being without blemish, the most important thing is that we learn every single time we fail. Do as many mistakes as you can while you are still here on earth, because the moments we are making mistakes are the moments we can learn, and finally become a better person.
You grow up the day you have the first laugh -at yourself!
-Anonymous
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