Beberapa hari yang lalu, untuk kedua kalinya saya berenang di kolam renang deket rumah, yang panjangnya ampun ampun. Kurang tau juga, sih pastinya. Tapi harusnya itu pasti lebih dari 100 meter. Capek banget buat berenang dari satu ujung ke ujung yang lain, tapi ternyata engga sia-sia juga loh capeknya. Karena selain (katanya) membakar kalori, saya juga jadi belajar beberapa hal tentang kehidupan dari beberapa menit berenang itu.
Sebelumnya, saya mau cerita dulu tentang pengalaman saya berenang di situ untuk pertama kalinya. Waktu itu, saya sudah sadar, sih kalo kolamnya kelihatan panjang banget. Tapi, namanya pertama kali, saya engga tau sepanjang apa. Jadi saya mulai berenang. Kecipak.. kecipuk.. duh, kok engga nyampe-nyampe, yah. Lebih parah lagi, saya engga bisa ngeliat ujung kolam renangnya sama sekali, soalnya kacamata renang saya kurang minusnya. Jadi, berenang kali itu kayak engga ada akhirnya, dan engga tau kapan berakhirnya. Ditambah lagi, saya juga engga bisa ngelihat teman-teman saya yang lain, yang mulainya beda sama saya. Alhasil, saya selalu menyerah di tengah jalan. Engga kuat. Capek banget. Tapi, di round saya yang terakhir saya sengaja mulai berenang dari satu ujung bareng-bareng teman-teman. Waktu berenang, saya bisa ngelihat mereka ada di depan saya. Sekalipun saya engga bisa ngelihat ujung kolam renang, tapi saya bisa ngelihat mereka sama-sama berjuang sama saya. Jadi, untuk pertama kalinya di hari itu, saya bisa berenang dari ujung ke ujung non-stop waktu saya berenang bareng yang lain.
Terus, kali kedua saya berenang di sana lagi. Sebelum mulai berenang, saya memang sudah menyiapkan mental, this is going to be very long. Dan saya mulai berenang. Kecipak.. kecipuk.. eh, engga disangka-sangka, beberapa waktu kemudian, saya sudah lihat ujung kolam renang. Wah, saya seneng banget! Kok, kali ini kayaknya engga sesulit waktu pertama kali. Waktu saya enjoy aja sekalipun engga tau kapan sampai di ujung, kok tanpa terasa saya malah bisa sampai di ujung. Ternyata, kayaknya kolam renang yang panjang banget ini, engga panjang-panjang amat.
Nah, apa yang saya alami di kolam renang ini kalau direnungkan, sama banget kayak yang terjadi di kehidupan kita. Banyak tantangan, banyak masalah, yang kelihatannya bakal panjang banget berakhirnya. Kita engga bisa liat ujungnya. Kita engga bisa ngelihat titik terangnya di ujung sana. Kecapekan. Kehabisan napas. Dan kita ngerasa sendirian. Akhirnya, yang kita lakuin: ah, nyerah aja, deh. I give up! I quit!
Tapi, pengalaman berenang ini mengajarkan saya dua hal yang bisa membuat kita bertahan di tantangan hidup yang terlihat panjang itu:
Yaitu waktu kita bisa melihat ujungnya, titik akhirnya; atau kalaupun kita engga bisa melihat titik akhirnya, paling engga kita menghadapinya bersama mereka yang kita sebut sahabat-sahabat kita. Dan sekali kita bisa overcome satu tantangan terbesar dalam hidup kita, selanjutnya hal itu udah engga akan jadi masalah lagi buat kita. Jadi yuk, kita saling nemenin buat overcome bareng-bareng.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
In Finding a True Happy Ending
Now I admit that I might not be that expert enough in relationship stuffs; I am still someone who keeps looking for answers to understand this whole complex thing called love; but out of the enormosity of mysteries of this man-and-woman relationship, I just want to share something here -not theories, not what other people have said about it, but simply from my little past experiences.
I'm not really sure about men, but we women, should admit that we have this unconsciously serious problem within ourselves, which is called insecurity. Agree? Let's rewind our memories to childhood times; where boys were more concerned about Nintendo, Kamen Rider, Power Rangers, Tamiya, soccer, we girls were already concerned about the way we look. Some of us would bring mirror to school. Body cologne if there was a physical education.
Should we do ponytails? Or pleat our hairs? Hmm.. or just leave it loose?
Aarrghh.. really hate this curly hair of mine. Bad hair day. Should I just rebond? Do I look ok? I must do something with my eye-lashes. I have a crush on that boy, but don't think he likes me. Or does he? I want to have a boyfriend. Oh no! My other girl friends have already had one! I need to find one, too. As soon as possible.
See? Never ending self-criticsm. Not secure of being just who we are. And we have always thought that this insecurity will end as soon as we have a boyfriend. Because having a boyfriend means that somebody approves that you are good enough. But what happened after we had one? It didn't solve the problem of security at all, trust me. It got worse.
Do I look pretty enough today? He's chatting with other girls? Why do he look so close to them? Why is he not calling today? He's not been replying my SMSes. Does he want to break up with me? Oh no, I think he's gonna say it real soon. What should I do? Should I call him? What did I do wrong? Should I apologize?
Girls! Are you not tired? The way to solve this problem of security in ourselves is really not in being attached; it is really not about having a boyfriend; it is not about finding approval from anybody to assure that you are great! That you are who you are no matter what they say. That you are worth loving. That you don't need to beg for love, that you don't need to try to please guys in order not to be blamed, not to be abandoned.
I have been in such a relationship; where I tried to be perfect just for not being left, because I feel I was never good enough. I was abused -not by the boyfriend I was with, but rather by my own self-insecurity. Thankfully, I learned my lesson. As what I said earlier, I might not be an expert in relationship, but I can at least tell you this: that you will never be ready to get someone if you are not ready to lose him. And so long as there is insecurity in a relationship, the relationship will never work out. Now the thing is, you will never be secure in a relationship if you are never secure when you are alone. Girls, insecurity will just make you rush in choosing your partner, before you find yourself ended up with disappointment over and over again. Be still, be cool. You are pretty, you are great! You don't need a boyfriend to prove that you are worth loving. And when we realize of this very fact of having security in ourselves, we will find that we are on our way to our true happy ending.
Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:
If a guy punches you, he likes you
Never try to trim your own bangs
And someday you will meet a wonderful guy
and find your very own happy ending
And your commitment to each other
Every movie we see, every story we're told
implores us to wait for it
The third act twist:
the unexpected declaration of love;
the exception to the rule
But sometimes we are so focused
on finding our happy ending
we don't learn how to read the signs
How to tell the ones who want us
from the ones who don't
The ones who will stay
from the ones who will leave
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy
Maybe it's you, on your own
picking up the pieces and starting over
Freeing yourself up for something better in the future
Maybe the happy ending is just.. moving on
Or maybe the happy ending is this:
Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts
Through all the blunders and misread signals
Through all of the pain and embarassment
You never, ever gave up HOPE
- Gigi, in He's Just Not That Into You
I'm not really sure about men, but we women, should admit that we have this unconsciously serious problem within ourselves, which is called insecurity. Agree? Let's rewind our memories to childhood times; where boys were more concerned about Nintendo, Kamen Rider, Power Rangers, Tamiya, soccer, we girls were already concerned about the way we look. Some of us would bring mirror to school. Body cologne if there was a physical education.
Should we do ponytails? Or pleat our hairs? Hmm.. or just leave it loose?
Aarrghh.. really hate this curly hair of mine. Bad hair day. Should I just rebond? Do I look ok? I must do something with my eye-lashes. I have a crush on that boy, but don't think he likes me. Or does he? I want to have a boyfriend. Oh no! My other girl friends have already had one! I need to find one, too. As soon as possible.
See? Never ending self-criticsm. Not secure of being just who we are. And we have always thought that this insecurity will end as soon as we have a boyfriend. Because having a boyfriend means that somebody approves that you are good enough. But what happened after we had one? It didn't solve the problem of security at all, trust me. It got worse.
Do I look pretty enough today? He's chatting with other girls? Why do he look so close to them? Why is he not calling today? He's not been replying my SMSes. Does he want to break up with me? Oh no, I think he's gonna say it real soon. What should I do? Should I call him? What did I do wrong? Should I apologize?
Girls! Are you not tired? The way to solve this problem of security in ourselves is really not in being attached; it is really not about having a boyfriend; it is not about finding approval from anybody to assure that you are great! That you are who you are no matter what they say. That you are worth loving. That you don't need to beg for love, that you don't need to try to please guys in order not to be blamed, not to be abandoned.
I have been in such a relationship; where I tried to be perfect just for not being left, because I feel I was never good enough. I was abused -not by the boyfriend I was with, but rather by my own self-insecurity. Thankfully, I learned my lesson. As what I said earlier, I might not be an expert in relationship, but I can at least tell you this: that you will never be ready to get someone if you are not ready to lose him. And so long as there is insecurity in a relationship, the relationship will never work out. Now the thing is, you will never be secure in a relationship if you are never secure when you are alone. Girls, insecurity will just make you rush in choosing your partner, before you find yourself ended up with disappointment over and over again. Be still, be cool. You are pretty, you are great! You don't need a boyfriend to prove that you are worth loving. And when we realize of this very fact of having security in ourselves, we will find that we are on our way to our true happy ending.
Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:
If a guy punches you, he likes you
Never try to trim your own bangs
And someday you will meet a wonderful guy
and find your very own happy ending
And your commitment to each other
Every movie we see, every story we're told
implores us to wait for it
The third act twist:
the unexpected declaration of love;
the exception to the rule
But sometimes we are so focused
on finding our happy ending
we don't learn how to read the signs
How to tell the ones who want us
from the ones who don't
The ones who will stay
from the ones who will leave
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy
Maybe it's you, on your own
picking up the pieces and starting over
Freeing yourself up for something better in the future
Maybe the happy ending is just.. moving on
Or maybe the happy ending is this:
Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts
Through all the blunders and misread signals
Through all of the pain and embarassment
You never, ever gave up HOPE
- Gigi, in He's Just Not That Into You
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Not for Sale
Saya yakin, bahwa di jaman lulus-lulusan begini, pasti banyak sekali dari kita yang lagi menimbang-nimbang, mau ngapain selesai lulusan. Mau lanjutin kuliah, kerja, atau bikin bisnis sendiri? Kalau mau lanjutin kuliah, kemana, ambil apa? Kalau kerja, kerja apaan? Bikin bisnis, bisnis apa? Dan semua itu, kalau mau dilihat lagi, pertimbangannya cuma satu: uang. Yang membuat kita bingung memilih mau ngapain itu cuma masalah jalur mana yang bisa bikin hidup kita lebih terjamin. Karir mana yang bisa bikin hidup kita stabil. Apa yang bisa menghasilkan lebih banyak pemasukan. Ini engga muluk-muluk sama sekali, karena kenyataannya adalah, hidup itu memang perlu uang. Dan ini, lebih membuat kita jadi semakin sulit memilih, apalagi kalau apa yang sebenarnya kita mau itu jauh banget dari kata komersil. Mimpi kita engga bisa dibilang sesuatu yang bisa menghasilkan banyak uang. Dan kita sampai kepada pilihan: mengejar mimpi atau mengejar uang?
Saya sendiri, nih, lagi bingung juga menentukan arah. Bisa dibilang, bahwa kualifikasi yang saya punya saat ini benar-benar beda dengan apa yang menjadi mimpi saya, apa yang saya benar-benar mau raih di hidup ini. Dan kadang-kadang, saya distracted juga dengan kenyataan bahwa saya mungkin bisa mendapatkan pemasukan yang lebih stabil dengan kerja yang biasa-biasa saja. Engga perlu bingung-bingung bagaimana caranya bisa membuat mimpi menjadi kenyataan.
Tapi sekarang, pikirin deh. Kalau kita memilih untuk mengejar uang dan akhirnya meninggalkan mimpi kita, itu tuh sama banget artinya dengan bilang, bahwa mimpi kita bisa dibeli! Bahwa mimpi kita itu cuma seharga gaji yang kita kejar itu. 5 juta sebulan? 10 juta sebulan? Dan kalau mimpi kita bisa dibeli, then it's indeed not worth pursuing! Berarti mimpi kita engga cukup berharga buat kita sehingga bisa dibeli sama yang namanya kehidupan terjamin.
Kalau saya sendiri, percaya bahwa mimpi saya not for sale. Dan saya percaya, bahwa buat kita yang masih engga yakin apakah mau tetap mengejar mimpi sekalipun engga bisa bikin kaya, mimpi kita engga bisa dibeli. Kita mungkin harus berputar sedikit untuk membuat mimpi kita menjadi kenyataan, tapi kita engga akan gitu aja menyerah untuk engga mengejar mimpi kita cuma gara-gara uang. Lagian, saya percaya satu kenyataan dalam hidup ini, bahwa waktu kita mengejar uang, uang itu malahan engga akan datang kepada kita. Saya percaya bahwa mimpi kita jauh lebih berharga dari sekedar 5-10 juta sebulan.
Jadi, kalau kita punya mimpi, jenis apapun mimpi itu -mau yang menghasilkan banyak uang atau engga, let's go for it! Peduli amat sama uang. Mereka bisa dateng dengan sendirinya waktu kita fulfilled sama apa yang kita kerjain. I believe that our dreams are not for sale.
Saya sendiri, nih, lagi bingung juga menentukan arah. Bisa dibilang, bahwa kualifikasi yang saya punya saat ini benar-benar beda dengan apa yang menjadi mimpi saya, apa yang saya benar-benar mau raih di hidup ini. Dan kadang-kadang, saya distracted juga dengan kenyataan bahwa saya mungkin bisa mendapatkan pemasukan yang lebih stabil dengan kerja yang biasa-biasa saja. Engga perlu bingung-bingung bagaimana caranya bisa membuat mimpi menjadi kenyataan.
Tapi sekarang, pikirin deh. Kalau kita memilih untuk mengejar uang dan akhirnya meninggalkan mimpi kita, itu tuh sama banget artinya dengan bilang, bahwa mimpi kita bisa dibeli! Bahwa mimpi kita itu cuma seharga gaji yang kita kejar itu. 5 juta sebulan? 10 juta sebulan? Dan kalau mimpi kita bisa dibeli, then it's indeed not worth pursuing! Berarti mimpi kita engga cukup berharga buat kita sehingga bisa dibeli sama yang namanya kehidupan terjamin.
Kalau saya sendiri, percaya bahwa mimpi saya not for sale. Dan saya percaya, bahwa buat kita yang masih engga yakin apakah mau tetap mengejar mimpi sekalipun engga bisa bikin kaya, mimpi kita engga bisa dibeli. Kita mungkin harus berputar sedikit untuk membuat mimpi kita menjadi kenyataan, tapi kita engga akan gitu aja menyerah untuk engga mengejar mimpi kita cuma gara-gara uang. Lagian, saya percaya satu kenyataan dalam hidup ini, bahwa waktu kita mengejar uang, uang itu malahan engga akan datang kepada kita. Saya percaya bahwa mimpi kita jauh lebih berharga dari sekedar 5-10 juta sebulan.
Jadi, kalau kita punya mimpi, jenis apapun mimpi itu -mau yang menghasilkan banyak uang atau engga, let's go for it! Peduli amat sama uang. Mereka bisa dateng dengan sendirinya waktu kita fulfilled sama apa yang kita kerjain. I believe that our dreams are not for sale.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Too Much is Never Good at All
I learned something, that human will just never have enough for themselves. That the grass is always greener on the other side, that human will never be thankful enough of whatever they have. Everybody might say that it is lucky to be you, but human will always look at the negatives, trying to compare oneself to others, and say, "I want that, too." While in fact, he might have things just much better. Basically, human wants to have just everything. Human will never have enough.
So we live in this realm of the unreal, where we pretend that everything can be done without concerning anyone, anything, any limits. Where everything can go on just the way we want it. Where we can just switch to anybody we'd like to be at that very moment, where we can just throw away what we have right now and replace it to another stuff, and take it back again whenever we want it. Where we don't need to have any regrets because of any reason whatsoever, because everything can be played back and forward. As easy as pressing the button 'stop', 'reverse', 'fast forward', 'pause', 'eject', 'power' on the radio. This is the ideal, the unreal; where you are daydreaming.
But then I have also learned, that you can always choose how you are going to live. Whether you want to live in reality, or you want to live in daydreaming. The later, I admit, is addictive. And though many of us know the inevitable risks of it, many of us enjoy it. Many of us fall into this thinking that we are saving the best for the last, that is sometimes pain in disguise. Daydream is always tempting; it is always luring, it is always relieving. But too much is never good at all.
I've heard a story before. There is one guy, having a monkey with a very long tail. He loves the monkey so much, but he feels irritated, too, because everytime the monkey jumping around the house, the tail will keep smashing everything that is in the house. So he knew that he needed to take an action. If he is to keep the monkey with him, then he'd better cut the long tail of the monkey. If not, this problem will keep going on. But by the time he is to cut the long tail, he felt so bad. He didn't have heart to cut the long tail. "It must be very painful for the monkey!" So he decided, "I will not cut the long tail at one shot. NO! It must be very painful! The monkey will not be able to bear it. I will just cut little by little."
Stop daydreaming. Now or later, the pain will be the same. Even, the pain may be greater if we keep postponing and cut it off little by little. I learned that too much daydreaming is never good at all. We are alive, so just be real.
So we live in this realm of the unreal, where we pretend that everything can be done without concerning anyone, anything, any limits. Where everything can go on just the way we want it. Where we can just switch to anybody we'd like to be at that very moment, where we can just throw away what we have right now and replace it to another stuff, and take it back again whenever we want it. Where we don't need to have any regrets because of any reason whatsoever, because everything can be played back and forward. As easy as pressing the button 'stop', 'reverse', 'fast forward', 'pause', 'eject', 'power' on the radio. This is the ideal, the unreal; where you are daydreaming.
But then I have also learned, that you can always choose how you are going to live. Whether you want to live in reality, or you want to live in daydreaming. The later, I admit, is addictive. And though many of us know the inevitable risks of it, many of us enjoy it. Many of us fall into this thinking that we are saving the best for the last, that is sometimes pain in disguise. Daydream is always tempting; it is always luring, it is always relieving. But too much is never good at all.
I've heard a story before. There is one guy, having a monkey with a very long tail. He loves the monkey so much, but he feels irritated, too, because everytime the monkey jumping around the house, the tail will keep smashing everything that is in the house. So he knew that he needed to take an action. If he is to keep the monkey with him, then he'd better cut the long tail of the monkey. If not, this problem will keep going on. But by the time he is to cut the long tail, he felt so bad. He didn't have heart to cut the long tail. "It must be very painful for the monkey!" So he decided, "I will not cut the long tail at one shot. NO! It must be very painful! The monkey will not be able to bear it. I will just cut little by little."
Stop daydreaming. Now or later, the pain will be the same. Even, the pain may be greater if we keep postponing and cut it off little by little. I learned that too much daydreaming is never good at all. We are alive, so just be real.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Journey vs Adventure
Perhaps at this point you can take a while and ask yourself: has my life been a journey, or an adventure? Because they are different, and the way you look at your life will actually determine the way you live it; the way you make choices in it; the way you carry yourself through.
I have just been reminded that seeing our lives as a journey is not a very good idea after all. Think about this: a 70-80 years of journey? Seriously? A 2 hours-journey in a car of Jakarta-Bandung, seeing only roads after roads or fields after fields is a boring thing already. Or think about a 1.5 hours journey of Jakarta-Singapore flight. Having only rows of seats, few air crews, clouds everywhere outside there; they are not fun at all! When we look at our lives as a journey, we will end up cruising through life. Just enjoy life -that's true, but when your trip is just roads everywhere, or fields everywhere, or clouds everywhere while you are just sitting; you will end up getting sick of the trip, getting sick of the things you are supposed to enjoy.
So think about the other kind of enjoying life. When you look at your life as an adventure; when you have a trip of flat tires, petrol running out so you and your buddies need to take miles of walking the rocky mountain to reach the nearest gas station. And how in the middle of the way you will meet a friendly stranger that is offering you a ride, and in the end you find out that that stranger actually happen to be your childhood friend that has changed so differently from he was before. So then you manage to fill the tank up again, and manage to reach the nearest city to stay for the night. But you can't find any vacant room in all the motels; instead they offer you to pitch a tent in their garden. The next morning you continue your trip, passing through all the fields and mountains again, when you suddenly realize that you are hungry and the food you bring has all been eaten up! So you and your buddies need to find a way to get some food. Now across the field there is this forest fully planted by apple trees. Having no choice, you walk across the field, going up the trees and pick the apples for you guys to eat, and continue the trip.
Ok, enough. Now, all of us would agree that the first trip is far easier than the second one. No hassle, no problems, the trip has been just smooth, everything is in place and as planned. But to be honest, they are boring! No story to tell, nothing to share and impress others. As for the second one, has it been a tough trip? Yes. Is it a challenging one? Yes. Is it hard and tiring? Yes. But I have a story to tell, I had an adventure that you can be jealous of.
So, the question is, have we lived our life as a journey -where we are just cruising through the easiness and comfort in life, or has it been an adventure -where we face challenging experiences? Which one will we go after?
Yes, I don't want to waste my life. I only have one life to live; once in a lifetime when I can become 21; once in a lifetime that I can live on Sunday, June 14, 2009. And I might as well living it all out. When I have a dream, I want to go all out for it! When I am to choose my career, or the path of my life, I would just go for the hardest, I will go for the things I love, no matter how challenging it may be. I will just challenge myself everyday, I will just go for an adventure! I will just do whatever I've never done before.
If you want to fly, you need to be brave to have the ground taken off your feet.
- Caleb Natanielliem
I have just been reminded that seeing our lives as a journey is not a very good idea after all. Think about this: a 70-80 years of journey? Seriously? A 2 hours-journey in a car of Jakarta-Bandung, seeing only roads after roads or fields after fields is a boring thing already. Or think about a 1.5 hours journey of Jakarta-Singapore flight. Having only rows of seats, few air crews, clouds everywhere outside there; they are not fun at all! When we look at our lives as a journey, we will end up cruising through life. Just enjoy life -that's true, but when your trip is just roads everywhere, or fields everywhere, or clouds everywhere while you are just sitting; you will end up getting sick of the trip, getting sick of the things you are supposed to enjoy.
So think about the other kind of enjoying life. When you look at your life as an adventure; when you have a trip of flat tires, petrol running out so you and your buddies need to take miles of walking the rocky mountain to reach the nearest gas station. And how in the middle of the way you will meet a friendly stranger that is offering you a ride, and in the end you find out that that stranger actually happen to be your childhood friend that has changed so differently from he was before. So then you manage to fill the tank up again, and manage to reach the nearest city to stay for the night. But you can't find any vacant room in all the motels; instead they offer you to pitch a tent in their garden. The next morning you continue your trip, passing through all the fields and mountains again, when you suddenly realize that you are hungry and the food you bring has all been eaten up! So you and your buddies need to find a way to get some food. Now across the field there is this forest fully planted by apple trees. Having no choice, you walk across the field, going up the trees and pick the apples for you guys to eat, and continue the trip.
Ok, enough. Now, all of us would agree that the first trip is far easier than the second one. No hassle, no problems, the trip has been just smooth, everything is in place and as planned. But to be honest, they are boring! No story to tell, nothing to share and impress others. As for the second one, has it been a tough trip? Yes. Is it a challenging one? Yes. Is it hard and tiring? Yes. But I have a story to tell, I had an adventure that you can be jealous of.
So, the question is, have we lived our life as a journey -where we are just cruising through the easiness and comfort in life, or has it been an adventure -where we face challenging experiences? Which one will we go after?
Yes, I don't want to waste my life. I only have one life to live; once in a lifetime when I can become 21; once in a lifetime that I can live on Sunday, June 14, 2009. And I might as well living it all out. When I have a dream, I want to go all out for it! When I am to choose my career, or the path of my life, I would just go for the hardest, I will go for the things I love, no matter how challenging it may be. I will just challenge myself everyday, I will just go for an adventure! I will just do whatever I've never done before.
If you want to fly, you need to be brave to have the ground taken off your feet.
- Caleb Natanielliem
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