Now I admit that I might not be that expert enough in relationship stuffs; I am still someone who keeps looking for answers to understand this whole complex thing called love; but out of the enormosity of mysteries of this man-and-woman relationship, I just want to share something here -not theories, not what other people have said about it, but simply from my little past experiences.
I'm not really sure about men, but we women, should admit that we have this unconsciously serious problem within ourselves, which is called insecurity. Agree? Let's rewind our memories to childhood times; where boys were more concerned about Nintendo, Kamen Rider, Power Rangers, Tamiya, soccer, we girls were already concerned about the way we look. Some of us would bring mirror to school. Body cologne if there was a physical education.
Should we do ponytails? Or pleat our hairs? Hmm.. or just leave it loose?
Aarrghh.. really hate this curly hair of mine. Bad hair day. Should I just rebond? Do I look ok? I must do something with my eye-lashes. I have a crush on that boy, but don't think he likes me. Or does he? I want to have a boyfriend. Oh no! My other girl friends have already had one! I need to find one, too. As soon as possible.
See? Never ending self-criticsm. Not secure of being just who we are. And we have always thought that this insecurity will end as soon as we have a boyfriend. Because having a boyfriend means that somebody approves that you are good enough. But what happened after we had one? It didn't solve the problem of security at all, trust me. It got worse.
Do I look pretty enough today? He's chatting with other girls? Why do he look so close to them? Why is he not calling today? He's not been replying my SMSes. Does he want to break up with me? Oh no, I think he's gonna say it real soon. What should I do? Should I call him? What did I do wrong? Should I apologize?
Girls! Are you not tired? The way to solve this problem of security in ourselves is really not in being attached; it is really not about having a boyfriend; it is not about finding approval from anybody to assure that you are great! That you are who you are no matter what they say. That you are worth loving. That you don't need to beg for love, that you don't need to try to please guys in order not to be blamed, not to be abandoned.
I have been in such a relationship; where I tried to be perfect just for not being left, because I feel I was never good enough. I was abused -not by the boyfriend I was with, but rather by my own self-insecurity. Thankfully, I learned my lesson. As what I said earlier, I might not be an expert in relationship, but I can at least tell you this: that you will never be ready to get someone if you are not ready to lose him. And so long as there is insecurity in a relationship, the relationship will never work out. Now the thing is, you will never be secure in a relationship if you are never secure when you are alone. Girls, insecurity will just make you rush in choosing your partner, before you find yourself ended up with disappointment over and over again. Be still, be cool. You are pretty, you are great! You don't need a boyfriend to prove that you are worth loving. And when we realize of this very fact of having security in ourselves, we will find that we are on our way to our true happy ending.
Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:
If a guy punches you, he likes you
Never try to trim your own bangs
And someday you will meet a wonderful guy
and find your very own happy ending
And your commitment to each other
Every movie we see, every story we're told
implores us to wait for it
The third act twist:
the unexpected declaration of love;
the exception to the rule
But sometimes we are so focused
on finding our happy ending
we don't learn how to read the signs
How to tell the ones who want us
from the ones who don't
The ones who will stay
from the ones who will leave
And maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy
Maybe it's you, on your own
picking up the pieces and starting over
Freeing yourself up for something better in the future
Maybe the happy ending is just.. moving on
Or maybe the happy ending is this:
Knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts
Through all the blunders and misread signals
Through all of the pain and embarassment
You never, ever gave up HOPE
- Gigi, in He's Just Not That Into You
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